Inspired by "Fearlessness"

I've been working on a bunch of applications lately, hoping to find an internship for my relocation to Chicago or further training opportunities. I've been calling it my "Application Bonanza." One of them required a one-page statement on something that inspires me. I wasn't really sure where I was going when I started writing this, but it ended up being an introspective piece that speaks on an idea that I, along with many actors, covet. Here it is.

In art and in life, I am inspired by fearlessness. Or, I should say, what is perceived as fearlessness, because I believe the truth of that concept lies in the willingness to face a fear, no matter how overwhelming it is. Every day as artists, we make a choice about how far out on the ledge we put ourselves and the composure we keep while there. In my eyes, fearlessness is a combination of these two elements as well as the confidence necessary to do it over and over again. I envy the actors that I hear described as 'fearless', knowing that my work in the past has been described as 'fearful'. I can't imagine that any human is completely devoid of trepidation when attempting to truthfully bare the character's emotions and desires within themselves and sometimes failing, so I have been observing myself and others for the key to being perceived as without fear, not only as an actor but also in everyday life.

I think of Josephine Baker, who was revolutionary because of her style of dancing and because of the fact that she was a black woman in the 1920's who was revered all over the world. Not only that, she became a major figure of the French resistance during World War II. In a time when her culture was still expected to keep their heads down, she was carrying resistance documents across boarders with what I'm sure was a fabulous and alluring air, but I can only imagine the heart-pounding paranoia she must have felt. She also integrated Carnegie Hall and was bisexual, all the while she had a pet cheetah named Chiquita. So much for keeping her head down. I'm inspired by her strong convictions, by her poise while keeping them, by her determination to see them through. In a word, I am inspired by her fearlessness.

I think of Eve Ensler, who was a theatre artist living in New York who wrote The Vagina Monologues, not for her own benefit, but to give a voice to women who are otherwise unheard. In doing so, she made herself face her own past and also opened a dialog about something that our culture—and many others—simply don't talk about. She talked about vaginas in public and she talked about them in first person, as if they were her own, which takes immense confidence. In doing so, she has put a spotlight on vaginas and violence against women, a spotlight which shines all over the world now. She continues to stare down her fears as she travels to countries and talks to women who have endured what most Americans can't imagine. Then she brings it home and describes it, even when it is not something the world wants to hear. I imagine how many times she must have thought about not doing the first production of The Vagina Monologues. (She even wrote “When I first read these monologues, my most pressing concern was being able to get the words out of my terrified mouth.”) I imagine her unease at revealing her own past and her own insecurities. And yet she went further out onto the ledge and with each new publication, she continues to push the envelope with confidence that betrays her own fear that she has entrusted to her followers.

I can think of many others, but my page is almost full. With them, as with Josephine Baker and Eve Ensler, I admire their ability to see through the fear they are met with with a confidence that fools boarder patrol and audiences alike. I aspire to that level of fearlessness—the combination of bravery and confidence—that makes great people and great actors. I work on it every day, when I keep myself from worrying about a flub in rehearsal or by refusing to wait by the phone after an audition, or by blatantly admitting to you, a stranger, what goes through my head when I hear someone call another actor 'fearless': envy, admiration, and determination.

Boarding the Pan Am Soapbox

I have been a sorry excuse for a blogger lately, especially considering how consistent I was earlier this year! But I've still been making progress--mostly in other areas of my life. I'm deep-cleaning my house, and I put my room in an order that I think I can deal with while I live here for one more winter. I also had a highly stressful yard sale to help put away money for the big move. It didn't quite go the way I wanted to--my boyfriend and I argued a lot and the first weekend was the coldest we've had since last winter. But we gleaned about $200 out of it, which is tucked away in my little Chicago tin.

I've also been watching some tv (aka hulu) including my old faves: "Fringe", "Community", etc. I've watched "New Girl" with Zooey Deschanel. What's going on there? It's given me some good laughs, but I'm not sure where that's headed. For example: where did Coach go? I haven't watched the third episode. I hope he's back, but I doubt it. Thoughts? But I've also discovered "Pan Am".

Period tv shows are in vogue lately, such as "the Tudors" (okay, so that's real period) and especially "Mad Men". I think it has been a wise choice for "Pan Am" to ride on the coattails of the latter, using the previously-generated glamor of bob haircuts and beautiful '50s and '60's costumes to attract a pre-fabricated audience. While I haven't watched a whole lot of "Mad Men", I think the role of women is important in both of these shows. In "Pan Am", we are following a small group of women who have found a way around what Betty Friedan calls "The Problem That Has No Name" in her book, the Feminine Mystique. Mid-century housewives were widely reported to be depressed and restless, feeling as though their life was incomplete and they had nothing to look forward to. The Pan Am stewardess was maybe the first of a line of exceptions that would eventually lead to second wave feminism, which makes for a pretty incredible group of people to follow from season to season.

I hope television is on the path toward reforming the way women are represented, that maybe that one scene where Christina Ricci stabs the passenger with a serving fork for trying to get in her girdle is another first in a line of exceptions. I'm afraid that it isn't, because not only has Pan Am's rating dropped 27% this week but media that continues to perpetuate the idea of woman that we all are familiar with. Like this one, from the Spike TV website geared towards men:

Or this one, from Victoria's Secret (for women...?):

Not a whole lot of difference in what the image is projecting, except that Victoria's Secret is working a little harder to show off the bra. (Side note: Nobody's armpits are ever that smooth. Jus' sayin'.) Then there's Dr. Pepper, who has decided that their ad campaign for their new diet soda is...

USA Today says that not only are the commercials for this product saying things like "Hey ladies. Enjoying the film? Of course not. Because this is our movie and this is our soda," and "You can keep the romantic comedies and lady drinks. We're good" but that the facebook page for Dr. Pepper Ten has an app "that allows it to exclude women from viewing content."

I'm totally cool with men being manly and I don't drink diet soda anyway. It isn't the elevation of manhood that bothers me. I love men. I love my boyfriend. I love a shirtless Hugh Jackman.

Nobody has to tell me "sex sells" goes both ways. I just think it's time to find a way to elevate the men that we love without degrading what it is to be a woman. The documentary "Miss Representation" looks into the media's effect on women, how women make up 51% of the population and only 17% of Congress, and how even those women who have made it to the top are degraded. The film is centered around what Marie Wilson, the Founding President of the White House Project says:

You can't be what you can't see.

The media is a powerful tool that can be used to anyone's advantage and, as I am speaking to artists and performers, I'm hoping I can plant a little seed in your mind. It's time something changed. Women don't want to be better than men. We love our men. Our importance is lost without men, as theirs is without ours. We just want to be equal. And as media professionals, I believe we can do something about it. Welcome aboard.

Relevant Links:
Miss Representation website
The White House Project
Topeka, Kansas Considers Decriminalizing Domestic Violence To Save Money: In the comments section, a woman named Melissa L Jacobs has posted a link to a petition.
Eve Ensler's V-Day: V-Day is in February. If you were thinking of hosting an event, it's time to start planning!

Dropping Like Flies?

As a young theatre artist, my blood pressure rises every time I read about the financial crises that are causing theatres on both coasts to send out SOS calls. After reading in American Theatre that Actor's Express in Atlanta would need "$200,000 by the end of July to stay afloat," I had to consider it against the travel expenses to audition for their internship program. In the end, travel expenses won. (Read their distress call here.) Just now, I read in the NYT that the Intiman Theater in Seattle (whose troubles were also highlighted in AT) has canceled the rest of their season as well as the jobs of the staff. I even got an email a few months ago from the Shakespeare Theatre of New Jersey, where I was an apprentice last summer, that they had not met their fund raising goal and were looking for donations.

While New York theatres seem to be holding on okay, (with Spider-man: Turn Off the Dark bringing in well over a million every week without having even opened yet) I think that regional theatre work is essential to our community, especially to those of us who are just joining. Not only does it give us newbies a place to start without trying to jump into the deep end that is the Big Apple, it also provides an outlet for regional voices that may one day make it to the big city.

I don't think that the floundering of two theatres means the death of the regional circuit. However, with government funding for the arts dwindling and possible donors and patrons feeling pinched for money due to the still-recovering economy, thinking about it makes me a little queasy. It makes me feel like it's not quite as strange as I once thought when my friends discuss survival plans for the zombie apocalypse.

Okay, the zombie apocalypse is silly, but how do we approach this possible conundrum in a way that will benefit us as artists, both individually and collectively? I'm all about donating time and work to the betterment of a theatre (I was notorious for devoting myself to a zillion projects at once in college), but at this point we all know:

Can we promote our favorite companies in a way that will convince audiences, donors, and sponsors that theatre is a worthwhile place for the money that they are clutching to during this economic struggle? Maybe there is more to be mined from the ever-expanding world of social networking and the iPad, since technology is something people are unafraid of spending time and money on. Or perhaps it's time to stop waiting for patrons to come to us and take theatre to them, by which I mean focusing on even smaller communities than regional theatres. Each community has a story that could potentially be told on stage. AT even had an article on a puppet theatre that did shows in people's backyard. Is it possible that traditional ways of doing theatre have become old hat to the point that it's difficult to fund anymore? Is there any one change in theatre that will bring audiences back and define the newest generation of artists? Just some food for thought.

On the other hand, I could be freaking out too much and every generation of artists coming into this crazy world have been faced with one problem or another. Either way, from what I've seen of my colleagues, I think we'll come up with something.

6:21

If you've been reading this blog, you know I keep things pretty light-hearted and I've only gotten on a soapbox once. However, in light of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan this week, I think it is important to draw as much attention as possible to it.

This is not a disaster that just affects Japan. Or one that just affects Asia or just the eastern hemisphere. Or any separate group of people. For those of us in the United States, it's hard to feel like this is going to make a serious impact on our lives, but two different Japanese nuclear plants (and possibly a third) are threatening meltdown. The global community has had brushes with nuclear disasters such as Chernobyl, which had radiation blowing all over the place, but we have never been faced with multiple meltdowns.

But lets keep our fingers crossed and hope they can prevent meltdowns. Even so, we should all put things in perspective. I suggest watching this (you must be signed in to facebook). This video is six minutes and twenty-one seconds long. In that span of time, we see the tsunami's first arrival to it stripping away people's belongings and homes. In just over six minutes.

Or think of it this way--we're actors, right? Six minutes would be a god-awfully long monologue. In unified auditions when you get a number slapped on your chest, you get about 90 seconds. Hardly long enough, I'd say. Multiply that by four and you've got the length of this video. I'd say I've spent anywhere from five to ten minutes in the more laid-back audition rooms. In the time that I've spent in any of the four auditions I've gone to so far this year, people's lives were devastated.

In light of this, I hope that you will all take some time to help those in need. You can text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 to tsunami relief via the Red Cross or if you have more that you can spare, follow the steps here. Yeah, Adele's new album is really good. But you can spend that $10 elsewhere. Or if you're that desperate, I'll burn you a copy. In times like these we remember what a privilege it is to have somewhere dry to sleep, clean running water, and the comfort of knowing that your friends and family are safe. And if you can't spare $10, nobody's judgin'. Just stay informed, make others informed, and keep Japan in your thoughts, prayers, meditations, or whatever it is that you do. It can never hurt.

UPDATE: MORE WAYS TO DONATE
This was taken from LearnVest Daily:

Your donation helps those in dire need, supports a global effort, and has the positive side effect of playing a small part in helping boost the global and national economy. Of course, you should always make sure that you donate to reputable organizations. Our favorites are:

• Red Cross
• The Salvation Army
• Save the Children
• AmeriCares
• International Medical Corps

Donating to the relief effort is easier now than in any generation past. If you’re busy and on the go, so here are some new ways to donate:

• Text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10 to the Red Cross. Although the tech company behind it takes 25 cents from every transaction, the Red Cross raised over $20 million for Haiti relief this way last year, because it’s convenient for most people. If you have the time and can give more than $10, head to the Red Cross website.
• Donate via Facebook: While you’re on checking your feed, take a few seconds out to donate. As with text services, about 5% of this donation goes to administrative costs, so if that bothers you, donate directly through your charity’s website.
• Donate through iTunes: If you’re plugged in to iTunes anyway, just visit the link to donate straight to the Red Cross through your iTunes account.
• FarmVille: No joke. FarmVille, FrontierVille and CityVille will donate 100% of the proceeds from certain virtual crops to Save the Children in Japan. So, go for the radishes in FarmVille, sweet potatoes in CityVille, and Kobe cows in FrontierVille.

The F Word

I never considered myself a feminist. It had a negative, bra-burning connotation to me. I was never particularly proud to be a woman, nor was I ashamed of it. I just considered myself to have landed on this half of the population and I believed it had no effect on my life. At the end of this past summer, I checked my courses online and found that, without warning or notice, Makeup Design had disappeared. The first time I signed up for that class, they rescheduled it to a time slot when I was in a class required for my major. This time, no rescheduling, no apologetic email. Nada. Just a very frustrated short person. I had no real interest in an elective outside of my department and the only other option was with the teacher who had me in five previous classes and was about to have me in two more, even if I didn't take her elective. Finally, I registered for the class, figuring that if nothing else came up, I had survived taking 15 hours at a time with this woman before (my friend aptly named it the “Sharothon”). Nothing else came up. And I was stuck in Women in Dramatic Arts.

It ended up being the most influential class I took.

Yes, we read Aphra Behn and Clare Boothe Luce and talked about the women in Ibsen's plays, but we more importantly gained understanding about the true circumstances concerning women—that the Equal Rights Amendment has yet to be ratified, our pay is not equal, our sexuality must be hidden behind pantsuits to be taken seriously, and in other countries, women are treated as less than equal—covered up, beat up, shut up. I was fortunate to share ten weeks with a group of women that shared their thoughts and experiences with each other as we studied the history of women in Western theatre from the Restoration forward. We had good laughs, good cries, as each of us began to understand where we stand and that maybe it's not where we thought we were, that it has every effect on our lives.

I'm not saying there aren't other soapboxes to stand on, but I like this one. It has given me a sense of identity as well as a group to identify with. It has given me a plethora of playwrights, many of whom have been tossed aside in history. It has given me an outlet. I can volunteer at women's shelters or donate or do whatever good samaritan deed seems right for the day, and maybe I will. But what is so fantastic and timeless about theatre is that it doesn't take money and it can go anywhere. It delivers a message and connects people on the same topic. Theatre can be used as your soapbox of choice.

A couple nights ago, I finished Insecure at Last: Losing It in Our Security-Obsessed World by Eve Ensler, author of the Vagina Monologues, founder of V-Day, and a huge inspiration to me. In Insecure, she wrote:

Theater insists that we inhabit the present tense—not the virtual tense or the politically correct tense. Theater demands that we truly be where we are. By being there together, we are able to confront the seemingly impossible, we are able to feel that which we fear might destroy us—and we are educated and transformed by that act.

Theater is sacred because it allows us, it encourages us, as a community of strangers, to go someplace together and face the issues and realities we simply cannot face alone. Alone, we are powerless, translating our suffering and struggle into our own private narcissistic injuries. When we become a group, these issues become social or political concerns, responsibilities, a reason for being here together.

James Cromwell spoke with us at the Savannah Film Festival and expressed his thoughts on the broken state of our industry and our country. “Everything's broken,” he said. “We have to start over, build from scratch.” He spoke on creating theatre in a community to tell its story. That there is no competition in your hometown and “what is most important is what you have to say.”

I'm biased, but I consider our art to be the most powerful. Theatre has caused people to be outwardly angry, started riots. In the case of Eve Ensler, it has also raised $50 million for grassroots organizations around the world. It is the megaphone of the arts. What we do with it should be selective, personal, and benevolent for the sake of ourselves, our art, and the soapbox of our choice. For myself, I think it should also make a little noise.

Ensler, Eve. Insecure at Last: Losing It in Our Security-obsessed World. New York: Villard, 2006. Print.

Want to know more about Ensler's V-Day Foundation? Check it out at http://www.vday.org/home.