I had every intention of spending this summer with one theatre company or another, continuing my training and adding a little something extra to my resume before I move to Chicago in the fall. Unfortunately, things have proven to turn out a little differently. Out of the seven companies I auditioned for, I have received four rejection emails. Some of them were expected. Some of them were encouraging. And some of them couldn't even manage to put a "Dear Elise" at the top and a "Sincerely" at the bottom. The remaining three, in my mind, boil down to one "not a chance," one "not likely" and one "still reviewing."
It has been frustrating to know that my start out of the gate has been slow, that I spent money and time traveling to auditions in which the people behind the table hardly paid attention. That I will never know just what went wrong, and if it was anything I could change. Watching my peers excel while I warm the proverbial bench this summer is going to be tough, but the disappointment and comparison of myself to others is something I can deal with. However, being so removed from the acting world has already had an effect that has caused my very patient and supportive boyfriend to recently say he's wondered where I've been lately. I think my restlessness, lethargy, lack of motivation, moodiness, etc stems from my 5 month-long detachment from the thing that has propelled me for the last few years. I guess reading the New York Times and American Theatre just ain't cuttin' it.
So I chose April 30 to be the last day that I look for responses from the summer opportunities that I applied to, which makes today the first day of defiantly planning an artistically productive summer. In other words, its time to quit moping about rejection letters and do something with myself that will make me more "hire-able" next time around. Might as well make my own opportunities. I'll design my own daggum training program. Curriculum on its way soon.
As they say: slow and steady wins the race. Half speed, full intention.